Hip Mom Rule 13: No kids' menu means no kids

My husband and I rarely go out to nice restaurants, mostly because after we’ve paid a babysitter we don’t have much change left for a nice meal. Still, once or twice a year we find ourselves in the enviable position of dressing up in our “needs to be ironed” clothing heading out for an expensive meal at a posh restaurant.

After several months of considering Taco Johns our night out, my husband and I decided that we had earned a nicer evening out without the kids. I put on my trendiest black dress. My husband put on his suit, and I took great pleasure in straightening his tie. We looked good. The babysitter was right on time. The boys, always amenable to playing with the babysitter, waved goodbye and we were on our way to spend our fancy dime.

We arrived at the restaurant at 7:45 p.m., just in time to enjoy a glass of wine before we were seated for our 8:00 reservation – at the table next to the ONLY table in the restaurant with children – a 3 year-old and an infant. The parents scolded, the children cried, food flew across their table and landed near my feet. The wait staff became irritated, and for many of us, the romantic ambiance of the restaurant was ruined. When our $125 bill finally arrived, we were annoyed and disappointed.

Now understand, there is nothing wrong with parents taking their children out to eat to teach them good manners. I appreciate parents who bring their children to a hip restaurant for a six o’clock reservation. But if the restaurant doesn’t have a children’s menu, it is a strong indication that children are not welcome, especially for an 8 o’clock dinner.

You love your children and understandably expect everyone to find them adorable, but a hip mom knows that there are just some places where children should not go. If the restaurant offers a kid’s menu, crayons and balloons, by all means, go and enjoy your meal and fear not the wrath of nearby patrons when your child throws a fit. If, however, the prices exceed the cost of your regular babysitter and macaroni and cheese is not on the menu, a hip mom will think twice before subjecting those dining strangers to the pleasure of banqueting with her children.

Hip Mom Rule #12: Don't forget to date

When my husband and I met in our mid-twenties, I was living in an artsy neighborhood in downtown Minneapolis. He and I both worked full-time during the day, but we spent every manageable minute outside of work together. We rollerbladed, we ran, and we enjoyed deep philosophical conversations in lowly-lit coffeehouses. We sipped wine at wine bars. We often saw two matinees a week. We were always on the go, reveling in each other’s company.

When we decided to get married and then eventually to have children, we had this wonderfully romantic idea that even though our life was about to change radically, we would still find time to go on a date every two weeks. We bragged to our other married friends that we would still date, no matter what, ignoring their quietly pessimistic “I hope it works for you.”

After the first baby, it wasn’t too difficult. We had a plethora of free babysitters, and we took full advantage. Every two weeks we went out for coffee together or to dinner with friends. We still ran, still rollerbladed, and still sipped wine in hip wine bars. We bragged to our naysayers that against all odds, we were still dating.

Little did we know. . . things were about to change. We had a second baby and eventually a third, and poof. Date night – gone. Time to connect with each other – gone. It seemed our friends had been right. It was too hard to be hip parents and hip partners at the same time. Our relationship had taken a backseat to our kids.

Ultimately, we decided to challenge the notion, and worked to creatively reintroduce dating to our life. We created “Burnsie Café” which only opens after the children go to bed. I often light tea lights, incense, turn on some hip jazz music, and brew strong coffee. Then my husband and I sit down at our kitchen table and recreate many of our dates from coffeehouses past. We bought bikes for the kids and began rollerblading and running together again. Perhaps it isn’t quite the same as a carefree run along the lake, but the children are occupied (and using up some of their energy), and we are again doing many of the things we love to do together.

We now understand that an exclusive date every two weeks no longer fits into our life, but dating is necessary to a healthy relationship. So occasionally, we get a real babysitter, and we leave the kids. We brush up on things to talk about, and then we go out on a date. But because we’ve been reconnecting at Burnsie Café, it’s not like two strangers on their first date anymore.

And the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2: 18, 24