When my husband and I met in our mid-twenties, I was living in an artsy neighborhood in downtown Minneapolis. He and I both worked full-time during the day, but we spent every manageable minute outside of work together. We rollerbladed, we ran, and we enjoyed deep philosophical conversations in lowly-lit coffeehouses. We sipped wine at wine bars. We often saw two matinees a week. We were always on the go, reveling in each other’s company.
When we decided to get married and then eventually to have children, we had this wonderfully romantic idea that even though our life was about to change radically, we would still find time to go on a date every two weeks. We bragged to our other married friends that we would still date, no matter what, ignoring their quietly pessimistic “I hope it works for you.”
After the first baby, it wasn’t too difficult. We had a plethora of free babysitters, and we took full advantage. Every two weeks we went out for coffee together or to dinner with friends. We still ran, still rollerbladed, and still sipped wine in hip wine bars. We bragged to our naysayers that against all odds, we were still dating.
Little did we know. . . things were about to change. We had a second baby and eventually a third, and poof. Date night – gone. Time to connect with each other – gone. It seemed our friends had been right. It was too hard to be hip parents and hip partners at the same time. Our relationship had taken a backseat to our kids.
Ultimately, we decided to challenge the notion, and worked to creatively reintroduce dating to our life. We created “Burnsie Café” which only opens after the children go to bed. I often light tea lights, incense, turn on some hip jazz music, and brew strong coffee. Then my husband and I sit down at our kitchen table and recreate many of our dates from coffeehouses past. We bought bikes for the kids and began rollerblading and running together again. Perhaps it isn’t quite the same as a carefree run along the lake, but the children are occupied (and using up some of their energy), and we are again doing many of the things we love to do together.
We now understand that an exclusive date every two weeks no longer fits into our life, but dating is necessary to a healthy relationship. So occasionally, we get a real babysitter, and we leave the kids. We brush up on things to talk about, and then we go out on a date. But because we’ve been reconnecting at Burnsie Café, it’s not like two strangers on their first date anymore.
And the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2: 18, 24
No comments:
Post a Comment